World Suicide Prevention Day was Sept. 10, and it was celebrated in Stettler this year by a walk sponsored by the Rural Mental Health Network.
Given my history with depression and suicidality, it was an event I was happy to cover as a journalist, as well as take part in.
With how my last couple weeks of summer went, it was all the more poignant.
Regular readers of The Stettler Independent may have noticed an absence of columns from me over the last several weeks and a lack of content in general over the last couple.
I'll be honest, I had pushed myself to the point of burnout and my mental health took a major hit as a result.
I felt like I was back on the edge, with the depression having taken hold again, complete with suicidal thoughts and feelings.
However, unlike in times past, instead of spectacularly crashing and burning, I fell back on coping strategies that I had learned and, to quote a concept I borrowed from the U.S. Navy SEALs, I "worked the problem" and learned a few things along the way.
I have been operating at a fairly high tempo since I became editor of the Stettler Independent, with little time off in the nearly three years I have been full-time; it's because it's a meaningful job that I love.
Unfortunately, you can only go so long before things start to break, and adding in my schooling and other side projects was just too much for too long. Lesson learned.
I booked a couple of appointments with my psychologist, and got in to see my family doctor – I am fortunate I still have one and do not need to wait weeks to see them – and ended up taking some time off to rest.
And the rest helped.
While I knew that burnout and depression overlap, I did learn that they overlap significantly more than I thought and what I thought was a depressive episode was just fatigue. A lot of fatigue...
So, I ended up taking three days off one week, then two-and-half the next and let myself do something I haven't done in a while: Rest.
No work.
No school.
No side projects.
I just focused on sleeping, walking, and spending some time on the Playstation while I let my brain recover.
Doing that, I was able to be back at work this week rested and – mainly – recovered.
While I am still not 100 per cent, I am definitely doing significantly better than I was.
I am taking this experience as a lesson though; I must be wary and be better at managing my time and fatigue because it is way too easy to slip into mindsets that I don't necessarily want to go into.
Fortunately, my management has been extremely supportive through all of this and is working with me to come up with strategies to prevent this from happening again.
I need to learn that burning out is not a badge of honour, and that rest and recovery are not dirty word; Those have always been two concepts I have struggled with.
I have to admit, this entire experience did help me with that.
-Kevin Sabo is the editor of the Stettler Independent and journalist with Black Press Media
