I occasionally talk with people who tell me that they haven’t any friends. The conversation will usually reveal that there are in fact some friends and acquaintances and I point this out. This will typically be followed by a comment like, “Yes, but I don’t have any real friends”. This begs the question, what is a “real friend”?
The Bible uses the word friend and friendship less than 100 times, but the concept, reality and importance of the topic is found throughout the Scriptures.
Consistency is paramount. Proverbs 17:17 highlights this, saying, “A friend loves you all the time…” Everyone has their ups and downs, of course, but it is difficult to maintain enduring, meaningful friendships with extremely moody people (those who “blow hot one day and cold the next”).
Honesty is also essential. Good friends should be able to be open and honest with each other. Proverbs 27:5,6 states that, “Open criticism is better than hidden love. You can trust what a friend says, even when it hurts.” However, true friendship doesn’t require that we “nail” our friends every time they step a bit out of line or differ from us on some minor point; diplomacy is necessary. I recall someone telling me that they always say exactly what is on their mind. I replied that if we actually practiced that consistently we would be left without any friends at all!
Jesus provided some fundamental qualities of true friendship. In John 15:15 He said, “I no longer call you servants, because servants don’t know what their master is doing. But now I call you friends, because I have told you everything that my Father told me.” Not everything or every detail has to be interchanged, but important, significant and critical details will not to be withheld within real friendships.
Jesus also pointed out that true friendship is characterized by sacrifice. “No one shows greater love than when he lays down his life for his friends”, He explained. He then gave a graphic portrayal of this by sacrificing His life for us. Similarly, Proverbs 18:24 describes the Lord as, “a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” A friend, incidentally, that none of us can afford to be without!
True friendship is rare and somewhat fragile and like most things that are rare and fragile, it should be treasured...and maintained! Proverbs 18:19 says, “An offended friend is harder to win back than a fortified city...” Friendships are not indestructible and once one or the other within a friendship feels offended, it is difficult to reengage at the same level of closeness, trust and confidence.
“Friends are like good health; you don’t realize what a gift they are until you lose them.
Pastor Ross Helgeton is the senior pastor of Erskine Evangelical Free Church.
FAITH & REFLECTION